Wolverine’s mom: If you’re going out take your brother with you
Wolverine: But Mom he’s so weird
Listerine: Nothing weird about fresh breath
If someone gives me an answer I don’t agree with I’ll give them the benefit of the doubt. I assume they didn’t understand the question.
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Doctor: Have you noticed any differences since you’ve started the medication?
Me:…I rap a lot less.
*sends self nudes to see what all the fuss is about
why do baby clothes have pockets, who is going up to a baby and saying here hold this
Hey Mexican food restaurant waiter, if the basket is empty you don’t have to ask. YES I WANT MORE CHIPS!
me being petty:
*gets late 3 hour late reply*
*waits for 50 seconds to reply back*
6 year old: daddy look we’ve had a whirlpool in our house this whole time!
Dad: for the love of god Timmy please get out of the toilet
The best way to let someone know you don’t like them is to offer them a healthy snack.
WANTED: OOMPA LOOMPAS
– Machine Maintenance
– Chocolate Production
– Quality Control
– Singing when kids die