If someone gives me an answer I don’t agree with I’ll give them the benefit of the doubt. I assume they didn’t understand the question.

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Wolverine’s mom: If you’re going out take your brother with you
Wolverine: But Mom he’s so weird
Listerine: Nothing weird about fresh breath


Doctor: Have you noticed any differences since you’ve started the medication?

Me:…I rap a lot less.


why do baby clothes have pockets, who is going up to a baby and saying here hold this


Hey Mexican food restaurant waiter, if the basket is empty you don’t have to ask. YES I WANT MORE CHIPS!


me being petty:

*gets late 3 hour late reply*
*waits for 50 seconds to reply back*


6 year old: daddy look we’ve had a whirlpool in our house this whole time!

Dad: for the love of god Timmy please get out of the toilet


The best way to let someone know you don’t like them is to offer them a healthy snack.



Main duties:
– Machine Maintenance
– Chocolate Production
– Quality Control
– Singing when kids die