@FunnyBison

If Spider-man’s powers came from a radioactive spider, the spider could have bitten and altered any other animal and I don’t want to live in a world with spider-wolves. I just don’t.

If Spider-man’s powers came from a radioactive spider, the spider could have bitten and altered any other animal and I don’t want to live in a world with spider-wolves. I just don’t.

- @FunnyBison

You Might Also Like

@mortimermaiden

[shopping for a house]
Me: It’s nice but I was thinking something a little bigger.
Realtor: This is my office.

@skittle624

I spent over $200 at the grocery store yesterday which means there will be no food in my house by tomorrow.

@sarcasticmommy4

I annoyed my kids so bad they told ME to go to bed.

So it looks like this parenting thing has come full circle.

@EyeSeeYou619

[first date]
HIM: So how was your OMG did you just pull a hot sauce packet out of your bra

@markydoodoo

[God creating wombats]

Just roll that balloon in fur and let’s call it a day.

@Reverend_Scott

“My Ex is amazing in all ways. My Ex is smarter, more successful, and more attractive than I am.”

– bumper sticker I put on my Ex’s car

@Coastiefish

This guy says he rides a bike 20 miles a day, and then runs 5 miles a day too.

Yo bro, you gotta get a car.

@pixelatedboat

To stay safe in a fire, remember the acronym “DBOF”:

Don’t
Be
On
Fire