Hey morons, when in doubt, just spell it “theiyr’re.”
if the aliens landed today I would be like 5% surprised
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Shaggy and the gang are out there trying to discredit demons all while hanging out with a talking dog. My dudes, that IS a demon
Call me ignorant, but I have no idea what you’re talking about.
– “That’s exactly what ignorant means.”
I don’t get it.
GUY MURDERING ME: It’s “purge.” It’s a soft g.
ME: The purg. I feel like I’m saying it.
GUY: No, it’s “purge.” You’re saying it like “iceberg.”
GUY: *Getting increasingly frustrated* Say iceberg.
“DON’T YOU DIE ON ME!” he screamed at his phone. Everyone else on the train hugged their phones a bit closer.
We all make fun of Kristen Stewart for her wide variety of facial expressions, but she’d probably kick all our asses in poker.
Server: Would you like another glass of wine?
Me: I’m sorry, I don’t have time
Server: For the wine?
Me: No, for silly questions
Me: Dude, back off. You’re totally scaring away all the hot guys checking me out at the gym.
H: You do realize I’m your husband, right?
HIM: If you’re upset that people think you’re weird, have you tried being less weird?
ME: [eating ice cream with chopsticks] Yes.
Me:OMG RYAN GOSLING DIED! Oh. His hair. He dyed his hair. Brown. Can U believe that was a story? Husband: I think it worked great. Me:Zip it