If the ESPN Fantasy Football app were slower and unreliable it would be playing quarterback for the Bears.

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I used to get bullied online.

Until one day I walked up to the biggest computer in Best Buy and beat the shit out of it.


Nancy Grace just called pot smokers “fat and lazy”. Right. Unlike the buff marathon runners home 4 o’clock on a Monday watching your show.


I fear all this talk of llamas & dresses has distracted us from the important fact that there is video of Madonna falling off a stage.


If having a social media account makes you a journalist, changing a lightbulb makes me an electrician.


Do you remember when the most annoying thing on the Internet was a dancing baby?

Yeah, good times


I always keep gluten next to my bed in case a hipster breaks into my house in the middle of the night.