Do, Re, uh…
*calls Lionel Ritchie*
“What comes after Do & Re on a music scale?”
Is it Mi you’re looking for?
If the final episode of Game of Thrones doesn’t feature a group hug with everyone singing “Kumbaya,” then I don’t know what I’m talking about.
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ok, now say it again so my wife hears
“you’re too big for this ride, sir”
I was the beast man at my sister’s wedding, and there isn’t a day goes by that I don’t wish that that was a typo.
Dog Mechanic: The repair is gonna take longer than expected.
Dog Mechanic: The clutch is worn out, also because I am a dog.
Guys who go see 50 Shades of Grey… Do you all remain seated an extra 30 min after the movie’s done? 💪
MORMON ELECTION GAME: Every time Romney becomes president, drink.
Wanna go out with me?
Make an awkward face for yes.
Name the entire periodic table for no.
If fire shoots out of the chimney the Papal Conclave has selected a new drummer for Slayer.
Don’t ever put money in a savings account because your house will find out and break something expensive.
Wife: I remember your proposal
Me: Oh yeah?
Wife: It was so romantic
Me: It was?
Wife: You put in so much effort
Wife: That was Steve?
Me: That was Steve