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@WickedCynic: If the guy behind me stands any closer I'm going to go in for a hug.
@MUMSIEesq: My husband went camping w/ his buddies. He packed a hatchet, 2 liters of Jack & a 3yo's Hello Kitty sleeping bag. He's gonna die out there.
@ArfMeasures: Doctor: Have often do you have sex?
Me: Once or twice
Doctor: A week?
Me: I've answered, let's move on
@SufficientCharm: "We are going to Taiwan"
Juan: No, please don't!
@delusions_of: When being attacked yell "FREE CUPCAKES" so people come help you.
@Freudianscript: I'll never be accused of talking behind someone's back, because that would involve talking to people.