@215potter

If the human race has a “signature move,” its gotta be lying to the dentist about flossing.

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@causticbob

I walked down a street where the houses were numbered 64K, 128K, 256K, 512K and 1MB. That was a trip down memory lane.

@AimeeHelene1

*waiting for food at drive-thru*
*sees food is ready*
*crawls through drive-thru window*
*pokes worker with my snow brush*
MY FOOD IS READY!

@JohnFugelsang

The awkward part of having the 10 Commandments displayed in US courthouses is realizing that 8 of them are pretty much legal here.

@Prof_Hinkley

The worst part about insomnia is having to eat spiders while conscious

@alexblagg

“Lets all start wearing weird ’90s mom jeans!” – girls now

@Matt_the_1st

Cop: do you know why I pulled u over?

Me: yeah, I was going like 120 back there

Cop:….

Me:..

Cop: sir, your tailamp is out

Me:…

@MrsFancyPants77

I take spiders outside in stead of killing them because it’s not their fault that I’m scared of them.

I do however, scream while doing so.