Flight Attendant: “Here is the extra blanket you asked for.”
Me: “Thanks. Could you jam it into that guy’s mouth?”
If the radius of a pizza is Z and the thickness is A, then the volume of pizza is PI x Z x Z x A. #asianshowingoff
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I love when Scandinavian people on internet forums are like “Sorry for the bad English, I still have a considerable amount to learn about your language, again I apologize for my diction which is likely quite malformed,”
So Nickelback is playing a flood relief concert for Alberta. Like those folks haven’t suffered enough.
Employee: Everything I eat goes right through me.
Me: Yup, that’s how digestion works.
I let my 5 year old talk me into playing kickball-basketball, so now I’ve got to explain this bloody nose to my wife.
If you watch 2016 backwards, it’s a heartwarming story of how celebrities can come back to life just by trending on the Internet.
I buy reverse osmosis filtered alkaline water for my dog and he prefers to drink out of the lake.
A new study says vegetarians
die younger than smokers, on average, so don’t smoke your vegetables…
I ran a whole 5K and didn’t even eradicate cancer
i watched a bunch of spy movies and developed this extremely accurate FBI floorplan