WHY ISN’T THE MEDIA TALKING ABOUT THIS?!👇
*links to story on mainstream media site*
If there was a game show where people have to find a phone charger before their phone dies I would win the million dollars
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PLATO: I’m famous in the future? I bet the word platonic is used to describe philosoph–
It’s for relationships where nobody’s getting laid
if i was gandalf, i absolutely wouldn’t make four tiny little shoeless bumpkin boys a core part of my crack team to defeat a goblin mega-hitler, but it worked so fair play to him
What if the Government invented cheese to distract us from reality?
Government: You owe us money. It’s called taxes.
Me: How much do I owe?
Gov’t: You have to figure that out.
Me: I just pay what I want?
Gov’t: Oh, no we know exactly how much you owe. But you have to guess that number too.
Me: What if I get it wrong?
Gov’t: You go to prison
I’ve spent three hours investigating this chicken and I still can’t find his nuggets.
If they could bottle how good it feels to take off your bra, that would sell for more than any expensive wine.
If your conservative parents piss you off over the holidays, come out to them. You don’t even have to be gay, it’s just a fun thing to do.
Can’t wait to tell my kids how I survived almost 3 months without seeing my friends so they won’t die if they don’t go for a sleepover at Angie’s house
If Superman were a realtor, he could describe literally any apartment in the world as ‘a stone’s throw from the beach’.