@wolfpupy: if they didn't want me to take the coins off a dead man's eyes they would have moved the gumball machine further away.
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@XplodingUnicorn: Wife: You only half-listen to me. You're in a boatload of trouble. Me: Yes, let's buy a boat.
@leshnevsky: 40 years later: - Grandpa, sing me a song of your youth. - Oppa Gangnam Style. Opp, opp, opp, opp!
@TweetsByTheTony: Hey, girl. I noticed you checking out my Hello Kitty socks. Just so you know...the boxers match. *winks*