@khook32: If this cat doesn't stop trying to lick my plate, we're having Chinese for dinner tomorrow.
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@MarieColette: I don't watch wedding shows and get excited about getting married but I do watch Dateline and get excited about being murdered.
@JaneSays___: Is there a way to politely throw breathe mints in someone's mouth while they're talking?
@stuartfiddle: math teacher: I said to bring your protractor to class boy with cowboy hat: I’m just a good old fashioned country boy, I ain’t need nothin fancy, this simple tractor should do the job just fine ma’am
@CulturedRuffian: Mom: You can't have cookies for breakfast! Me: Why? Mom: Have something healthy-here, eat these chocolate chip pancakes with syrup instead