Hi, I’d like a salamus sandwich, please.
“You mean salami?”
No, just a single salamus.
“People who make Latin jokes are a bunch of ani.”
If this doughnut and chocolate milk are going to take years off my life, could I have them remove 1978-1982?
You Might Also Like
[at wine tasting]
Hmm yes, very good. a slight smokey undertone.
“Sir, you just put your cigarette in your wine”
Strong smokey undertone
“So, do you play any instruments?”
Me: *slaps knees for 30 minutes straight without breaking eye contact*
70% of our planet is covered in water, the other 30% is covered in idiots
My urologist said I have a healthy prostate. I was deeply touched.
Priest: What can I do for you son?
Me: A man ran over my dog and several hours later he died
Priest: Oh no I am so sorry
Me: The good news is my dog’s ok
Condoms dont really guarantee full protection during sex. A friend of mine was wearing one and he got shot by the girls boyfriend.
Me: I’m done peeing!!
Khakis: No you’re not.
Past is the past, it’s all gravy under the bridge.
You think a person loves you and then they up and bring a grocery store cake to your birthday party.