
Cheerleaders are there to tell you that your team needs to score more points & the name of your team in case you forget at any given moment
if u think men are tougher than women then u don’t realize that every day women all over are taking showers with the water temperature set to exploding sun and actually enjoying it
Cheerleaders are there to tell you that your team needs to score more points & the name of your team in case you forget at any given moment
OMG you guys. I just got asked out. By a real live guy. I don’t know what to do!? Play dead? Duck and roll?
I’m so confused!!
Whenever u feel like ur not being productive, take a nap. You’ll wake up groggy & angry & have forgotten abt the whole “productivity” thing
BF went to text me “almost there”
It came out “almost dead”
So hungover, I wrote back “thank god”
And now he arrived and things are awkward
‘I found something in my hair earlier and had no idea what it was’.
Facebook: *gets an invite to an organic shampoo party
Twitter: Did you taste it?
If I’m at your house and you’ve got a grocery list on the fridge, I’m adding stuff to it and not telling you
I love my kids but sometimes I wish the school bus would pick them up at 4:30 p.m. on Sunday.
[Lounging in hot tub]
Paul the Plum: “I’m starting to shrivel up like a…”
Pete the Prune: “Oh just say it, Paul. Like a what?!”
I wish I had the confidence in humanity that Guinness had when they bought a 9,000 year lease.
The Molotov cocktail is of course named after Vitaly Molotov, an 18th century Russian industrialist who exploded after being thrown at a car