Recent studies link bacon to cancer.
“Ya, don’t eat bacon, you’ll get so much cancer”, said one pink scientist.
If video games have taught me anything, it’s that you’ll automatically get promoted if you kill your boss
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Hey Fun Fact:
Remember that “You Wouldn’t Steal A Car” anti-piracy ad? The guy who wrote the music for that ad was never paid for their work
This Fun Fact™ brought to you by:
Stealing — It’s Okay If You’re A Corporation!
[Watching halftime show]
ME: I hope I look as good as Jlo when I’m 50.
GIRLFRIEND: You don’t look that good now.
ME: Yeah I’m not 50 yet.
Everyone is gangsta until they get one sock wet
Two days ago: omg, I’m so glad I found my watch, I’ll never misplace it again!
Today: *has zero clue where the hell my watch is*
my dream job is to be the FBI guy who nicknames criminals. someone blew up a fish market? Tunabomber. easy.
Woke up and poured myself a cup of coffee and then took a nap…
So no, technically, Ms. Snooty HR, I didn’t sleep through my alarm again.
it’s called art look it up
Just heard a dad threaten to spank his screaming son “in front of the world.” Stand your ground, kid. There’s no way he has that technology.
OBITUARY WRITER: How would you describe him?
WIFE: Very still, pale, awful social skills
OBITUARY WRITER: I mean before he died
WIFE: Oh! Haha sorry! Yeah, the same