Airbnb’s should be required to tell you their wifi password before you book because I’m second guessing this place based on “fluffycream350”.
“If we get the kids to help us it will go faster!”
– the dumbest thing I’ve ever said
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I miss dating
The excitement of meeting someone new, that feeling of butterflies when you see if you can climb out their bathroom window…
So, funny story. That Thundercat I shot on my front porch was some dumbass kid in a costume. Regardless, he’s going up on the wall.
*yells up to treehouse*
me: what are you girls doin?
them: *yells back* chattin and braidin!
me: *climbing up* WAIT ARE THOSE BOY’S NAMES, I DON’T KNOW ANYMORE
My daughter forgot to bring her lunch to school today. It was delicious.
My right eye wouldn’t stop weeping all day until I said BE A MAN YOU FREAK and now it’s just drinking beer to hide it’s feelings
God: “Adam looks kind of lonely down there. What should I do?”
God: “haha, alright man”
*wipes pizza grease & sauce off mouth*
Ant Man: bit by a radioactive ant
Daredevil: bit a radioactive devil (on a dare)
Captain America: bit by a radioactive america
“Are you on Facebook?”
“No, but I’m on..
(don’t say twitter, don’t say twitter)