My plans: 2020:
If you are older than 17 and have mad love for Justin Bieber ,you are the reason whales are the most intelligent species.
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Open books don’t get judged by their covers.
I wish I had the confidence in humanity that Guinness had when they bought a 9,000 year lease.
I nominate Chris Brown to dump a bucket of boiling hot water on himself & to raise awareness for domestic violence.
Katy Perry says that god spoke to her before the Super Bowl and said “you got this,” so it’s safe to say that god has crappy taste in music.
M:$50 on the ginger with face tattoos
H: Ma’am those aren’t tattoos, they’re freckles and you can’t bet on a 6th grade spelling bee
When ur friends with white people
I hate when someone is killed in a movie. While normal ppl watch the scene, all i’m doing is try to catch the dead character breathing.
[leaving Whole Foods]
wife: Can you believe we only spent $100?
*apple falls out*
me: Well that was a waste of $100
TV ANNOUNCER: Up next, the Masked Singer.