I’ll bet Waldo owed some people money. You don’t get that good at hiding for no reason.
If you are what you eat I’m a small family of ladybugs 🙂
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Misery loves company. And from what I can tell, the company she loves is the one where I work.
sphinx: answer my riddle correctly or die
sphinx: but i haven’t asked the question…
me: [laying my head under her paw] we gonna do this or what?
If you sit beside me, you’re part of my drumkit.
It’s fine when farmers use souls of old plants 2 strengthen crops, but when I do it w/ ppl “I’m a witch” & “dear god she’s getting stronger”
Bruce Willis is snorkelling when a shadowy figure appears in front of him. It’s a pug in full scuba gear. a very slow chase ensues
You’re a busy woman. Let the smoke alarm tell you when the chicken’s done.
Twitter – to help future generations discover if there’s ever been any mental illness in the family.
Me: I’m having a heart attack.
BFF: you are not.
Me: I am *burp* oh nevermind
Wife: Good morning handsome
Wife: How about you relax, I make us some coffee, and then I… do things to you
Me: *as wife leaves* Wow is this a dream?
Wife: *from the other room* Never mind, the kid threw his shit on the wall again
Me: There it is