If someone walks in on you hatching your evil plan, just tell them you were rubbing in some hand moisturizer.
If you can get the pronouns right for a boat you can get them right for a person
You Might Also Like
*Wife thumps door*
“I KNOW UR IN THERE! U BLEW OUR SAVINGS ON A SHITTY INVENTION, DIDN’T U?!”
NO! *furiously flushes 1000s of dog-tampons*
Not going to any more weddings or funerals. Please keep that in mind, friends who are considering getting married or dying.
Who the hell does that in a sock?!?
*squishes out of the room*
Chess with Australians must get so confusing.
“Naw mate, that’s just a check.”
“That’s what I said. Check, mate”
girl: I bet you’re really cute under those glasses
[removes frames/is instantly obliterated by Cyclops’ optic blast]
Nobody expects you to throw a typewriter at them, that’s what makes it such a fun surprise
[taking FRIENDS quiz]
7. Which character do you most identify with?
8. Which is your least favorite character?
Girl are you a prescription from my doctor ’cause you might be good for me but I can’t read you at all.
A boy asks his mom, “Why am I black and you’re white?” She says, “Don’t even go there. The way that party went, you’re lucky you don’t bark”