We're redesigning Funny Tweeter. Your feedback is always welcome. Talk to us at @funTweeters
@McGrumpenstein: if you can’t judge a book by its cover then graphic design is a big fat lie
@MarfSalvador: [first day as a waiter]
me: may I recommend the steak?
customer: yes ok
me: thanks. I recommend the steak
@1MeLrO: If you can't kill them with kindness
A shovel will do
@1followernodad: The scariest part of Psycho is when she gets in the shower and THEN turns it on.
@Xoolun: I hate it when TV shows say they contain "adult situations" but then don't show anyone going to a job they hate, and paying their bills.
@ihateitmunky: Me: do you want to hear what happened to the last guy who threatened me
Bumper cars operator: i meant your time is up like get off the ride