@tweeterreader36: If you catch me doing a selfie at work, at least offer to take the pic for me.
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@JediGigi: Interviewer: Your resume only has "Mad" under "Skills" Me: Yeah boyee Interviewer: *tears up* You're just what we need. Welcome to Subway.
@krisv_723: Based on the noise, my neighbors cars is stuck in the snow. If the aim of my potato gun is correct he's gonna have a broken windshield too.
@SteveSuckington: I once walked in on my brother having sex with my girlfriend. Needless to say I deflated her and threw her in the trash. #awkwardbreakup