@Marlebean

“If you clean it, they will come. .. and destroy it. … immediately” Field of Dreams 2, Housecleaning w/ Kids

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@Marlebean

I am extremely flexible & can lift my legs up while balancing in strange positions

Ooh yeah fellas, I can flush a public toilet w/out hands

@sonictyrant

Bond: “Bond, James Bond”
Moneypenny: “Moneypenny, Miss Moneypenny”
Q: [looking dejected] “Q, just Q, Q”

@daemonic3

[spelling bee]

Your word is ‘effusive’

“E-F-F-U-S-I-V-E”

That is correct. What was your name?

“It’s Siv”

I know lmao [hi5s other judge]

@HenpeckedHal

I’m in pretty decent shape for a dude who was in a serious car accident and spent the last six weeks recovering in a hospital bed. That didn’t happen to me–it’s just a good yardstick for the kind of shape I’m in.

@notalogin

Merlin: What now?

Lawyer: I’d advise you to turn yourself in to the police

Officer Merlin: Ok, and now?

@gruffybeard

630: *wakes up to take dog for walk

632: *pours coffee and checks twitter

749: *steps in dog shit on my kitchen floor

@Rollinintheseat

I took a “Which Friends character are you?” quiz and I got The Central Perk couch.