My four year old niece summarizing her day at Safety School “Look both ways or you die”
“if you could dinner with any scientist, alive or dead, which one would it be?”
You Might Also Like
okay just dont let her know you’re a trump supporter
Her: so what kinda wine should I get
Me: haha white is always the best
HER: What are you doing with the Tupperware?
ME: [filling container] The sign says ‘All You Can Eat’, it doesn’t specify when
You look like you would fail a DNA test
me: what your biggest fear?
date: oh i’m incredibly arachnophobic
me: [under breath] you don’t want spiders to get married?
DETECTIVE: There are signs of a struggle here
[earlier that morning]
ME: *trying to get up for work*
If you see a dentist get shot and hes bleeding out, just casually mention how he needs to floss more so he doesnt bleed out like that
Imagine this: you’re home alone and you sneeze. Suddenly the phone rings and you answer, then someone whispers “Bless you” and hangs up