@MarieLoerzel: If you could only see yourself through my eyes, then you'd see how blurry you really are.
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@TuffyNyC: My ear is bleeding because I tried to shave it. Now I have to create some elaborate lie to tell ppl how I cut my ear.
@daemonic3: [clothing store] me: can you help estimate what size i am? my deceased wife used to buy all my shirts for me employee: i recommend a medium me: ok do you know any good ones?
@mattZillaaaa: Ran into someone that said “oh I haven’t seen you in a long time” and I was like I know I did that on purpose.
@leftarmisme: Kid being grounded in 1978: YOU CAN'T GO OUTSIDE. YOU MUST STAY IN YOUR ROOM. Kid being grounded in 2018: YOU CAN'T STAY IN YOUR ROOM. YOU MUST GO OUTSIDE.