@MarieLoerzel: If you could only see yourself through my eyes, then you'd see how blurry you really are.
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@MomofTeen: It's been six years since my job interview. I'm beginning to suspect they chose someone else.
@Browneyed_mama: I think my dog goes out at night to drink with her doggie friends. At least she can't drive because that would be ridiculous.
@joejwest: [on date] ME: I like my women like I like my wine WAITER: [arrives] Anything to drink? ME: [clears throat] One glass of very hot wine please