mom: call your grandmother, she sent you a birthday card with $10
me: hey grandma
grandma: hello dear
me: i need more money, this isn’t 1842
If you didn’t bring enough cough syrup for everyone, maybe don’t drink it in front of us, Gary.
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1. Get rich
2. Get more attractive
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M: It’s a boat!
Me writing: Day 286, Jane is still scared of boats