@jake_lach: If you don't boo at people after bad sex how do you expect them to ever get better?
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@ATorres2181: *walks in *wife is murdered *looks at mirror (Written in blood) YOUR NEXT "My next what? *from the closet "Oh sorry typo I meant you're.
@dadopotamus: A woman just called me ugly and the only thing I could think to say back was “only on the inside”.
@awesomeseank: Evidently, trying to schedule parent/teacher conference over drinks and "we'll see what happens" is considered inappropriate.
@jackiembouvier: [First date] Me: So, I've been married for 12 years - Him: You're married?? Me: Is that a problem?