John Hammond: We’ve got miles of electrified fence to keep the dinosaurs in and the guests safe
Me: Awesome so there’s no chance one disgruntled employee could disable them all with minimal effort right?
John Hammond: Haha what
If you don’t boo at people after bad sex how do you expect them to ever get better?
You Might Also Like
God will never give you more than you can handle, unless you were born in the wrong place or don’t have money. That makes God super mad.
*finds own number on a bathroom stall*
Call for a good time!? This is outrageous!
*crosses out good; writes in GREAT*
“Kids, are you asleep?”
*turns off the wifi*
“Know what, son? We should do all of our miracles before cameras exist.” – God
Hello it’s 911, what’s your emergency?” “Two boys are fighting over me” What is the problem with it? “The ugly one is winning.”
*man with beerbelly waiting outside elementary school*
*teacher walks towards man*
“are you expecting a child?”
“no thats from all the beer”
‘Hey look, hot dogs!’
Dogs: *blush* omg thanks
Latino soap operas where no one seems to have locks on their doors and people burst in at odd hours demanding the truth
11YR OLD: dad, are we poor?
ME: we are rich in love…we are rich in laughter
11: so we’re poor