That’s “MISTER your credit card is declined” thank you very much.
If you don’t think Colorado needs a wall then you’ve never met someone from Wyoming
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prince eric: I’m sorry I’m still uncomfortable eating seafood now that I know they can sing
ariel: no no, not this crab
prince eric: *taking bite* ok, good
ariel: he was just a backup dancer
What’s that, turkey?
Timmy fell in a well?
[breaks turkey’s neck]
no time for your riddles, in the oven you go
Me: I’m so sorry, my dog ate my homework
Comp Sci Professor: your dog ate your coding assignment?
Me: it took him a couple bytes
If you’re unsure if you’re pregnant or not that’s called a maby
According to the heart rate monitor on this treadmill, I died 14 minutes ago.
My niece is pregnant and the fetus already has business cards as a freelance media consultant.
Me: Ok, here we go. Right foot, yellow
Me: Left hand, red
Me: Left foot, green
Police sketch artist: this can’t be true
Going viral is a great way to see that 50,000 people looked at your profile and thought, nah.
Fitbit: Time for a walk
Me: *walks to snack machine