If you don’t want to marry me, why did you sit next to me on this bus?

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JESUS: I am the way, the truth, and the life

ME: This guy is definitely an only child


Pro Tip: If you stand outside a restaurant wearing a red jacket, people will literally just give you their car.


God’s son died single, but he’ll help you find your match on Christian Mingle.


I dropped my bowl of SpaghettiOs and it spelled ‘oooooooo’ on the floor. Spooky


if I’m wearing a suit you better be dead or getting married


I tried to make a smoothie for lunch. Apparently, three frozen pizzas will break a juicer.


The people in charge of hell sometimes visit North Korea just to exchange ideas.


i don’t need a “previously on…”
ive been watching this show for 9 hours straight


Marriage is like when you were a kid on Easter and saw this HUGE chocolate bunny in your basket.

But it was hollow. And white chocolate.


Who needs whips and chains? Christian should have had Ana read Fifty Shades of Grey if he wanted to torture her.