If you eat enough ice cream
your clothes will shrink. Weeeeird.

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Don’t trip
Don’t trip
Don’t trip
Don’t trip

Don’t trip again
Don’t trip again
Don’t trip again
Don’t trip again

– me running up the stairs


I made an appointment for laser hair removal then remembered that I don’t have any laser hair.


I can tell the way my kids inherited my sarcasm by the way I want to punch them in the face every time they use it.


[playing nunchucks]

Mother Superior: WHAT ARE YOU DOING?

Me: *putting down Sister Agatha* Sorry, Reverend Mother


[dragging a corpse to the shed]

NEIGHBOR: putting away the halloween decorations?

ME: decorations?


A cropped version of my wind turbines cartoon seems to be doing the rounds. It’s by me, if you see it.


Country rooooads
Let’s-a goooo
It’s-a meeeee

Mushroom Kingdooom
Mama Miaaaa
Take me Hoooome
Rainbow Roaaad


In Seattle, there’s a code that states when two people are walking towards each other, the one with the bigger coffee cup passes first.


A judge in Oklahoma City wed a couple and then sentenced the groom to prison. That sounds redundant to me.


‘I just liked camping alone, you know?’

~Jason Voorhees, in therapy