I don’t believe that twitter is the place for arguments.
We all have family for that..
If you ever get arrested, lighten the mood by pretending to go for his gun.
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“I’m not a fan.”
*sees a very smooth rock*
me: nice rock
my brain: put it in your mouth
People are asking me questions like they can’t see the FULL cup of coffee on my desk.
I can’t go to jail…
I have serious food allergies!
My cat: I’M GOING TO GET THERE FIRST!!
My enemies are gonna be so sorry if I ever get out of this bean bag chair.
HOT LOCAL SINGLES IN YOUR AREA WANT YOUR CREDIT CARD NUMBER.
“I’m really into roll playing,” I tell her with a wink, and make two pieces of complimentary bread pretend to kiss.
Brought my 5 year old to the tax office to ensure that the accountant works as quickly as possible.