@AmishPornStar1: If you ever need to wake my wife from a coma, just set your drink on the coffee table without a coaster.
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@MandiAtRandom: If he calls you clingy, move in immediately without warning and decorate his bed with 57 throw pillows
@papasuncle: My wife just opened a bottle of wine so my chances of getting laid just went from 0 to 750ml.
@BrownBoxers: No cop can catch a kid on a 10 speed. -every 80s movie with cops chasing kids on 10 speeds.
@3sunzzz: If you have teenagers, the perfect spot to hide your alcohol is wherever you keep your cleaning supplies.