@FlyoverJoel: The woman selling sea shells by the sea shore must have had a strong personal brand to overcome such a poor business model.

@joe_binkley: (Standing next to pool with a golf club and horse) Friends: Are you sure you've played water polo before?

@joejwest: [tattoo parlour] ME: I'd like a tattoo as a tribute to my dad. He loved gardening & now he's dead, so maybe like a skeleton mowing the lawn?

@ArfMeasures: [customs] "Passport?" *I lift up my bag & a severed head falls out* ME: OH NO OH GOD *still rummaging through bag* ME: I've forgotten it

@wittwitbarista: You remind me of a nebula. A newborn star Full of energy, color, and completely dense while being unstable.