Writing Tip: Learn the letters. YES all of them. Regardless of what you write they’ll come in handy. Try experimenting w/ diff combinations.
If you ever see me wearing anything fur lined or faux fur, please punch the person I’m with in the face. I’ve been kidnapped & need saved!!
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I’ve reached the point of laziness where even laying around has become too much for me to handle.
🎶 I’m a cat, boy / in a sealed box I hide / I’m Wanted / dead and alive!
– Bon Schröedi
[during prison riot] guys we don’t need to swear
I can’t believe it’s 2012 and street signals are still only telling white people to cross
I want to be important enough to receive a phone call, say one word, hang up and having the end result being something blown up.
My tweets don’t get the attention they used to. I’ve seen more stars after getting my head slammed into the headboard.
What do you call the soft tissue between a shark’s teeth?
The slowest swimmer.
I love overhearing dog owners talking to their dogs
eg, I was petting this dog who seemed happy but then suddenly growled at me, so I left
As I turned the corner I could hear his owner saying to him reproachfully, “You always do this, Oscar, you drive away all your friends”