@dumbbeezie: If you find a stylist who can cut hair without talking, never let them go
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@HALFniteStand: When a girl comes over for a date, I make sure I leave a hammer and measuring tape on the counter so she doesn't suspect that I watch Glee
@bridger_w: Before I get off the subway, I like to turn around, look at the other passengers, and say, "I'll never forget the time we spent together"
@Sickayduh: It's late and I'm wondering what my high school girlfriend is doing now. I'd call her but I know she has a big algebra test tomorrow.
@XplodingUnicorn: My 7-year-old asked for her first alarm clock for Christmas. We just got it set up. I've never seen someone so happy about having their life ruined forever.