You don’t know shit about pressure until you’re the only Black person on the dance floor while white people clap & form a circle around you.
If you give me a hard time about being out of shape I will bury you in a shallow grave. A very, very, shallow grave
You Might Also Like
Therapist: How do you deal with the negative people?
Me: Put their name on my kill list.
Therapist: Please don’t do that.
Me: I’ll try to stop.
*Writes Therapists name on kill list*
DAD: Hugh, please. It’s a perfectly fine name. Stop complaining.
HUGH J’DISAPPOINTMENT: It’s not my first name I’m upset about.
Came home to my husband watching ID Channel, dinner cooked and an empty sink.
I have never feared for my life and been simultaneously turned on than I am in this moment.
FIREFIGHTER: You need to get out of here [dodges falling support beam] right now!
ME: [staring at toaster waiting for pop tart] come on come on
like how’d Scar’s mom know he was going to get a scar one day?
To little kid eyeing my McDonalds: thats right i can eat this any time i want… Dont ask about any of the other parts of my life please.
Does this dress make me look cat?
Some of you should be ashamed of yourselves. You know who you are. I probably should be too, but this isn’t about me.
FOUND: 17 AGGRESSIVE DISEASED RATS LIVING IN LOCAL DUMPSTER.
PLEASE CONTACT IF YOUR 17 AGGRESSIVE DISEASED PET RATS ARE MISSING.