My wife asked me: “What’s the most risky, dangerous food you’ve ever eaten.”
Me: “wedding cake”.
If you guys don’t hear from your sexy lady friend TC today it’s because he’s spending Father’s Day with his family.
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Cool prank: lead 50 pugs to the top of a waterslide & send them down 1 by 1 as the parents waiting at the bottom get increasingly confused
Well, if it doesn’t include antidepressants, they shouldn’t call it a Happy Meal.
[end of interview]
Any questions for me?
Yes. Why didn’t the glass slipper also disappear at midnight?
YOU ARE SO HIRED.
I think my girlfriend has had sixty-one boyfriends before me.
She calls me her sixty second lover.
The first stage of a realistic baking show would be each contestant trying to open a jammed utensil drawer.
me: would you like beans?
me, trying to instill manners: no…what?
3: no beans
*takes bite of cookie*
Aw man this is awful
*takes another bite*
Still bad. But I better eat the rest to see if it gets better
How many pushups can Ryan Gosling do?
All of them.
Too bad the dinosaurs didn’t have a Bruce Willisaurus to fly into space and blow that asteroid up.