You Might Also Like


I may not be the sharpest sandwich in the tree, but put my pants on one sleeve at a time just like you.

Do you have any cookies?


“Follow your dreams!” say the people who won’t pay my rent.


You must be twins. You’re too stupid to be one person.



If youre a serial killer & you dont call your murder shack a ‘bloodshed,’ well I’ve just about given up on you


Exorcist: I’m here to remove the demon that has possessed you

Me: I didn’t call you

Demon: I did


sorry the church is on fire, did i mentioned i studied abroad


why did marilyn monroe sing happy birthday like that. she should have sang it normal


My wife doesn’t know this, but for the first 3 years of our marriage I thought we were supposed to share a toothbrush.


Well my name’s Harry Potter and I’m here to say
That half of my movies looked wet and gray