@BoogTweets: If you hold a baby up to a light and don’t see the security strip it’s a fake baby
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@jonnysun: maybe the white peopel who are scared of immigrants are only scared b/c they kno what white peopel did when they first immigrated to america
@mrjohndarby: Interviewer: What skills do you have? Me: Mind control Interviewer: EXCELLENT YOUVE GOT THE JOB
@stephenjmolloy: Ian: It's done. Mafia boss: Did you go anywhere nice? I: What? MB: Like a restaurant. I: I killed him. MB: I said take him out! Oh god, Tim!