@Dawn_M_: If you hold a warm baked potato it feels like you're holding someone's hand without having to touch anyone.
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@2tickytacky: When someone yells "Fire!" at my house, I'll be the first to leap from the toilet and fall flat on my face because my legs fell asleep
@osoplain: Don't sell yourself short, in fact, don't sell yourself at all. I'm pretty sure it's illegal
@AndrewChamings: [proctologist’s office] ME: *unzipping pants nervously* PROCTOLOGIST: You're nervous, that's normal, but please zip my pants back up.