Just saw a spider. It was sleeping. I crawled into its mouth.
IF YOU KIDS DON’T COME BACK TO THIS TABLE AND FINISH YOUR LUNCH RIGHT NOW, I SWEAR I WILL SIGH HEAVILY, EAT IT MYSELF AND GAIN 3 POUNDS.
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I hope God rethinks his decision to allow an intern to run celebrity deaths in 2016.
I don’t tell many people this, but I have been known to carry a shiv.
Okay, it’s the underwire in my bra and the only one getting stabbed is me, but still.
Who called it Star Trek III – The Search For Spock and not Finding Nemoy?
I wanted to be the last man on Earth just to find out if all those ladies were lying to me.
1) Go to Starbucks
2) Order coffee
3) Say your name is Waldo
Due to inflation the number of the beast is now 812. Please adjust your satanic rituals accordingly.
There will come a day when Christ will drive out evil from our land, and it will be the Judgment Day!
*T-1000 shifts nervously*
The rest of the world should fear our military.
We have the most cutting edge technology 1954 had to offer.
I WILL HUNT YOU DOWN AND FIND YOU and cuddle you softly.