A group of us were talking about running a 5k; some are planning to power walk it, a few are going to jog at a slow pace and I thought I’m going to just skip the whole thing.
If you know someone who effortlessly falls asleep every night, that is a demon. You’re friends with a demon.
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“Hey baby, what dat mouff do?”
It eats. It eats a lot. That’s what.
Last night out at dinner my daughter ordered a salad… I likely would have too had I not passed out from shock.
Age 15: kids are stupid
Age 25: kids are stupid
Age 35: I love my kids but kids are stupid
Me at 16: She’s ugly.
Me at 21: She’s alright.
Me at 30: I’d hit that.
Me at 36: That mountain goat has nice legs.”;}s:7:”retweet”;i:0;}
Separation anxiety is common among toddlers, dogs, and would-be divorcees finding out how much divorcing costs.
Insane Clown Posse is really giving a bad name to all the rational clown posses out there.
Hot lady mouse looking for good time. Any mouse will do boy mouse or girl mouse. Groups preferred. Meet in woods AT NIGHT. Will be a hoot.
Sex is great and all but have you ever blown a snot rocket that opened your nasal passage up again?
[at the spelling bee]
moderator: your word is parole
me: can you use it in a sentence?
moderator: depends what you’re in for