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@samalmightysam: If you love Batman, let him go, because Batman Returns.
@PinkCamoTO: *out for dinner with friends*
Me: I'm going to need 5 desserts and 1 spoon.
Waiter: Don't you mean 1 dessert and 5 spoons?
Me: You heard me.
@awkwardwit: I mean, who hasn't faked being goth for an entire year just to get out of being a bridesmaid in their sister's wedding?
@SharkJelly: [My Wedding]
Me: I do
Me: Or do I?
@pakalupapito: i need a reasonably paying job. something like $6,000 an hour, nothing too wild.
@TheMichaelRock: [trying to be the cool dad]
me: what is up lit fam
15yo: dad, please stop
me: what are the goals of your squad