Kids, make sure you learn how to use a protractor in case one day you’re a teacher & have to show kids how to use a protractor.
If you love someone set them on fire. Did I get that right? Oh god what have I done. It’s SET THEM FREE isn’t it? Sorry burning loved one.
You Might Also Like
(walks into coworker’s office who has an Echo)
Alexa, what is Pi to a thousand digits?
Strange that the people who make duck face in photos are the same ones who always refuse to eat bread
Mom, I have a runny nose I don’t need a rectal thermometer.
Plus, I’m 35
LOL at vegetarians coming to my house for a BBQ! Feel free to eat my lawn.
Smart cars are a good idea until you die in a 5 mph parking lot collision
A Victoria’s Secret commercial will always come on when you’re elbow deep in a bag of Doritos.
So far my favorite part about being pregnant is telling people I’m not pregnant when they ask when I’m due.
Sex is great, but have you ever deleted 1700 emails after returning from vacation?
Tsunamis are caused by dolphins breakdancing to celebrate passing another IQ test.