If you love something, set it free.
If it returns, it probably can’t pay its student loans.

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And Grandmother, what a big thighs you have!
*Wolf just starts crying*


I sexually identify as a cup of ramen noodles. I’m little, cheap, will leave you unsatisfied and i’m the last resort for many people.


I dropped my popcicle in the tub. I’m awfully sad. It was banana. Now it just tastes like bubble bath.


The problem with finding people who accept me for who I am is that I question their judgment


There is no law stating that you have to explain why you’re carrying a purse full of hair when going through security.


“I wish some random guy from India would DM me!”

-no girl, ever


Let my son leave the house today wearing a striped shirt and plaid shorts. I’m done, he’s natural selections problem now.


All I want for Christmas is to have this generational curse lifted and also maybe an air fryer


Someone praising you is also someone being judgmental. The difference is that you like the verdict this time.