@WoodyLuvsCoffee

If you love something, set it free.
If it returns, it probably can’t pay its student loans.

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@iamspacegirl

And Grandmother, what a big thighs you have!
*Wolf just starts crying*

@AVenezuelan19

I sexually identify as a cup of ramen noodles. I’m little, cheap, will leave you unsatisfied and i’m the last resort for many people.

@ninjadinosaur1

I dropped my popcicle in the tub. I’m awfully sad. It was banana. Now it just tastes like bubble bath.

@dumbbeezie

The problem with finding people who accept me for who I am is that I question their judgment

@ninjadinosaur1

There is no law stating that you have to explain why you’re carrying a purse full of hair when going through security.

@Vodkantots

“I wish some random guy from India would DM me!”

-no girl, ever

@patnelke

Let my son leave the house today wearing a striped shirt and plaid shorts. I’m done, he’s natural selections problem now.

@ThisLocalHater

All I want for Christmas is to have this generational curse lifted and also maybe an air fryer

@KeepsItRustic

Someone praising you is also someone being judgmental. The difference is that you like the verdict this time.