This throwing coins in the wishing well is taking too long…
I’m going in myself.
If you pay me $50 I’ll show up to your funeral but stand really far away, holding a black umbrella regardless of the weather, so that people think you died with a dark and interesting secret.
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ME:I’m a writer
HER:What have you written?
ME:A few books, but you wouldn’t have heard of them
ME:They go to a different school
Her: It’s disgusting how many dirty habits you have.
Me: THE NUNS PAY ME GOOD MONEY TO DO THIER LAUNDRY OK???
Imagine if every club’s first rule explicitly stated that you cannot talk about the club activities. Welcome to crochet club. The first rule of crochet club is don’t tell people you crochet.
Me: lord give me a sign
Lord: *gives me a sign*
Me: no, give me a sign I like
Just saw my Nana for what will probably be the last time. She’s very healthy but never wants to see me again.
INCREASINGLY DESPERATE GOOGLE SEARCH FOR “HOW MANY SHADOWS SHOULD I HAVE?”
Just watched a guy in a shirt that read “Jedi I am” trip on a curb and fall.
Jedi you are not sir
Ironically, the Boogeyman was a terrible dancer.
my birthday is tomorrow on the Ides and I’m excited to celebrate by doing what Julius Caesar SHOULD have done: staying home and avoiding my friends