Kids are so dumb u think Santa’s elves made that PS4 yeah right like Sony would ever let that happen learn basic copyright law u lil shits
If you plant a block of ramen noodles in the ground and water it with cold ones every day, it will grow into a college kid. It’s science.
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Guardians of the Galaxy was pretty good, I just wish they did a better job explaining which character was Groot
Finally figured out the reason I look so bad in photos. It’s my face
Me: I need a raise
Secretly-an-Alien Manager: Yes, it is good to, want to exchange labor for the right amount of delicious green rectangles
Unfortunately….. Nobody wants to have sex with your inner beauty.
Brunos are from mars, freddies are from mercury
Teacher: Ants can lift things that are heavier than they are
Kid: How can a thing be heavier than it is?
Teacher: No, you’re not understanding—(sees it’s almost 3 pm)—because magic
I could tell by her screams this was not the kind of friendship that included showers.
The kid hasn’t pooped in 3 days.
Do I just squeeze him from the other end like a tube of toothpaste?
Excuse me, this isn’t what I ordered.
“You ordered a Grande.”
Yes, but this is Ariana Grande.
“Sir, please just take her.”