Okay, kids, listen closely cause I’m only gonna say this 257,000 more times.
If you run into an ex, impress them by pulling out a pocketwatch and saying “I should get back to my factory. I own a factory now.” Start puffing on a big cigar, you’re a fat cat now.
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i just found that children’s tylenol is made for children, not out of children, and i feel relieved. but that could just be the tylenol…
If there’s enough room to spell ‘bootylicious’ on the back of your shorts, it probably isn’t.
Her: “Is that you in your avi?”
Me: “No, it’s a picture of me.”
I have a fairly substantial belly for someone who’s empty inside.
Who called it a pillow fight and not assault with a bedly weapon?
Thanks for following.
Give a banana to your uninvited house guest. Hold another banana up to your ear. Only respond to questions asked thru the “banana phone”.
If I were Obama, I’d totally lead with “My fellow Americans, the situation looks popeless.” #SOTU
ANYTHING can be considered your job if you hate it enough.
Men. Can’t live with ’em…can’t finish this joke unless I wanna be single the rest of my life.