@Pork_Chop_Hair: If you say ‘poo freed’ instead of proofread, literally no one can tell the difference.
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@mrjohndarby: [on a farm] Me: *sees a cow standing next to a bucket* Oh, I've always wanted to do that Farmer: Go ahead! Me: *stands next to a bucket*
@TheBigBatman: Do you ever get shampoo in your eyes and wonder what the name of your guide dog will be?
@ddsmidt: Most women need a little reassurance. Like when she says "oh, you want to see crazy?" Reassure her that you do not.
@SamGrittner: Yesterday I wrote an email to a customer named Trish where I apologized profusely, took ownership of our mistakes, and explained we would do anything to correct the situation. I averted disaster two seconds before I sent it when I saw my typo in the first two words, “Dear Trash,”