If you see a kid who’s physically unusual somehow, be sure to mention it to the parents. Odds are, they’ve never noticed and will thank you.
You Might Also Like
Me: no way you could see that with your naked eye
7yo: *shocked* my eye is not naked
My wife’s upset at me I’m going to cheer her up and ask 9YO to play hot cross buns on the recorder
Do you think Jesus described his hair color as light blonde or summer wheat?
Why put it in my calendar when I can just wait until someone texts me “Where the hell are you?”
I like that all the Ikea instructions illustrations always assume I have a friend.
I painted 1 room & then the hallway and room next to it looked kinda shabby and I’m guessing this is how plastic surgery gets out of hand.
Warning: objects in your rear may feel larger than they they appear.
I wanna see a video where professional dancers break out into nursing.
Did it hurt? When even autocorrect couldn’t figure out that word you were reaching for
putting a tray of fancy snacks on the roomba and pretending i have a small idiot butler
Unsuspecting male: So what kind of restaurants do you like?
Me: Open ones.
Step 1: achieve tumescence.
Step 2: figure out what tumescence is.
Cop: Do you understand your rights?
NASCAR driver: My what
Him: do you know an easy way to draw three flying birds?
Me: mmm
Him: thanks
My bear’s diarrhoea problems are starting to worry me. The vet says he’s getting better but he’s not out of the woods yet.
It truly bothers me how many people would marry someone just for their money. Because I’m trying to do that & you’re lowering my chances.
I never move faster than when I dive into bed, so my husband has to turn off all the lights and lock the front door.
I told my boss I’m calling in sick today. He said, “You can’t do that when you’re already here.” Is that true you guys?
I accidentally drank a bottle of invisible ink last night.
I’m in the hospital now, waiting to be seen.
Me: I love my eyes
Shampoo: *cracks knuckles*
Facebook is down, so don’t say prayer doesn’t work.
If someone catches me staring I quickly look to my left & right so they think “oh that girl’s not looking at ME she’s looking at EVERYTHING”
I got picked on in Highschool: I was cut from the football team & failed the cheerleading tryouts on the same day they fired me as principal
Whenever I order room service and the person tells me how long until the food arrives, I whisper, “If I’m alive by then,” and hang up.
I’m such a procrastinator, I’m just now getting around to worrying about Zika Virus.
you (uncultured): Ok.
me (cultured): Othousand.
Doormats are a gateway rug.
I show dominance by ordering something completely different after asking you what’s good here.
The pen is writier than the sword.