@shariv67

If you see someone wearing camouflage, make sure to walk right into them so they know it’s working.

You Might Also Like

@BurhanHafeez1

Change is always hard….

Especially when a jar of it falls on your head.

@P_o_n_k

MURDERER: *kicks down my door*

ME: *frantically picking up pizza boxes* oh my god you caught me in the middle of tidying up haha

@SteveSuckington

I wonder how many hobbies you have to suck at before you take up bird watching.

@panmidwest

DR.: you’re going to feel a little bit of pressure. Ready?
ME: yes
DR.: your sister is younger but already has a career path & owns her home

@DothTheDoth

Be the reason why a nun does the sign of the cross when she looks at you.

@SuicideBooth1

[fans out the deck]

Pick a card, any card..

Memorize it..

[hits you in the face with a shovel]

KING OF SPADES!

[walks off]

@dreadnaught69

*at a restaurant*

Don’t be awkward, don’t be awkward

Waitress: how’s the food?
Me: yes