I’m the opposite of clingy, I’m spacious.
If you see someone wearing camouflage, make sure to walk right into them so they know it’s working.
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Change is always hard….
Especially when a jar of it falls on your head.
MURDERER: *kicks down my door*
ME: *frantically picking up pizza boxes* oh my god you caught me in the middle of tidying up haha
[to the tune of feliz navidad]
police are the cops
Your secret is safeish with me
I wonder how many hobbies you have to suck at before you take up bird watching.
DR.: you’re going to feel a little bit of pressure. Ready?
DR.: your sister is younger but already has a career path & owns her home
Be the reason why a nun does the sign of the cross when she looks at you.
[fans out the deck]
Pick a card, any card..
[hits you in the face with a shovel]
KING OF SPADES!
*at a restaurant*
Don’t be awkward, don’t be awkward
Waitress: how’s the food?