*throwing my hands up*
well, those tasted terrible.
If you send her a message and she doesn’t reply in six months she is probably thinking about it
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Real Road Signs
(What they mean)
(Unattended orange cone zone)
Vodka burrito was a success
I wonder what “don’t touch” is in Braille.
I’m always sad when I see a homeless person or someone with a Blackberry.
Teacher: Ants can lift things that are heavier than they are
Kid: How can a thing be heavier than it is?
Teacher: No, you’re not understanding—(sees it’s almost 3 pm)—because magic
[zombies banging on the door]
her: they’re here
me: god, I thought you said 8 oclock I haven’t even got the wine chilled
Life is like a roller coaster: There are ups & downs, you often feel like vomiting, but in the end there are weird pictures of you for sale.
Thankful public education taught us Algebra instead of how to do taxes. Because 2 things are certain:
2) The Pythagorean Theorem