@Black__Elvis: If you smell Axe body spray on your lawyer you're going to jail.
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@JustDontBugMe: Mom: Why didn't you answer your phone? M: I was in a lecture. Mom: Where are you now? M: Walking the dog. Mom: You need better excuses. M: It's the truth. Mom: Then put the dog on.
@RachelWenitsky: TV WRITER (MALE): How do we make the girl character hot hot cool make me hard? OTHER WRITER (MALE): Make her know the names of all da carzzz!! TVW: Should we give her other personality traits? OTVW: No definitely not! TVW: Should she BE a car? OTVW: Whoa. Yes.
@Love_bug1016: [trying to impress date] Him: I want someone who's not afraid of a little PDA. Me: *keys I WANT THE SEX into the side of his car*
@MattPostSaysHi: Dad: Mom: Two year old with over developed brain: Mother. Father. I do not mean to bother you but it seems I’ve soiled the crib. I tried cleaning it up but my arms are too small for me to- Mom: Why do you have a brutish accent? Dad: That’s the question you wanna ask?